Sunday, December 21, 2008

A man has GOT to know his limitations...

As you all know, I don't carry a lot of "home town pride" with me. There are only a handful of place I've been that I hold in high esteem, and Perrysburg isn't one of 'em.

Toledo and Cincinnati don't do a lot for me either, but then again, neither of those places are Ann Arbor or San Diego.

But putting all of that aside, one of the cruel ironies of my life is my insane affection for Calphalon cookware. From the moment my mom handed over a good portion of her collection to me, I knew I was hooked. Hooked, on a company and product which not only originated in Toledo but was based in Perrysburg.

My kitchen is almost entirely made up of Calphalon cookware and knives, with only a few exceptions. I use them mercilessly, subjecting them to the most unholy and brutal tasks, yet they hold up like true champs.

So one night a while back, while AMC was running their Dirty Harry marathon, I came up with another ridiculous idea which ultimately only I find amusing.

If this makes little or no sense at all, try this. Also, if you're reading this through Facebook and the video doesn't show up, go Here...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Enjoy yer afferdable Svedish crap!

This past weekend, I finally met my cousin's daughter Charlotte.

My cousin, Rebecca, and her husband Stephen came to Cincinasty for an Ikea-run, and to show off the most adorable baby I know. (And... probably the only one, now that I think of it.)

We first met up at Uno for lunch. Uno used to have an amazing spot on Ludlow Avenue before it closed up, but now it's a stones throw away from Ikea so I'm torn. Anyways, after devouring one of their amazing flatbread pizzas there was some quality face time with the Cuz, the Huz, and the Baby.

"Boy, those Sweds sure know how to put in almost everything you need."
Fry (Futurama)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Hap Hap Hap Happy Thankgiving!

Thanksgiving has come and gone, signaling the beginning of the Holiday/Catering/Gift Giving Gauntlet.

Thanksgiving was nice. We stayed with my mom, spent time with my brother, and now I'm addicted to the Wii.

Aside from that, what else is there? Oh yeah, the food...

My mom and gramma always do a pretty good spread. They work all day preparing some of the best traditional foods possible, and my family gets to reap the benefits. And not just that day either. Kerrie and I brought back a nice haul of turkey, sausage, sugar cookies, pumpkin roll and more...

And the turkey, I might add, was really good. It was especially good the second time around in a turkey potpie. Potpies, in my opinion, have gotten a bad rap over the past few decades. It's no wonder most people think they're disgusting. Those frozen pieces of shit with the questionable veggies and meat? That's not food people... That's communism.

And that makes me sad. A good potpie is so simple to make, and is a perfect use of leftovers. My potpie: Let me show you it....

To start, you have two basic piece of prep to do before baking one of these babys off. And this is very easy too.

Start by making a pie dough. I make a VERY simple 3-2-1 dough. 3 parts flour, 2 parts fat, 1 part ice water. Once made, chill slightly until ready for rolling.

Next, the filling. The filling is nothing more than a roux cut with stock. Begin by heating 3 cups of chicken stock. Once hot, set aside. Next, in a sauce pan, start a roux by heating 4 T. butter and whisking in 1/4 C of flour. Once the roux has come together, whisk in the stock little by little until full incorporated. Add 1/4 t. Pepper and your ready to go.

Finally, it's all about your assembly. I added some chopped up turkey and veggies to the sauce over medium low heat until thoroughly heated. From there I cut my dough into 4 balls and rolled each out. (2 for the bottoms and 2 for the tops.)
For the last steps, you carefully pour the turkey mix into the pie crusts, top with the remaining dough, crimp, and make a few slits for the steam to escape.

Bake at 400F for 30 to 35 minutes.

And there you have it. Now, watch what has to be one of the best SNL skits in the past 20 years. If you don't laugh at this, you probably have no soul.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Food Safety is for Suckers...

It's probably just a given, but food service workers are at a higher risk of contracting (not just spreading) a foodborne illness. While the average civilian works with a relatively small amount of raw food, chicken for instance, I find myself sticking my hands in leaky 40lb. boxes of raw chicken almost daily.

I wash my hands obsessively while at work, and God only knows how many pairs of latex gloves I use in a week, but sometimes... Well, as Dennis Miller once said: He's a slack-jawed lil' fuckin' rat, and all rat's have gotta suck the pipe Baby...

Thursday, my number was up. It started with the wrenching stomach pain, then went on to dizziness and profuse sweating, leading up to bodily excretions SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

Yeah, it was bad. Thankfully a day in bed and Kerrie's attentiveness got me back to a state of up-and-running. I was able to start eating again around 1:00 yesterday afternoon, and by around 8:00 last night I had enough energy to take a shower without collapsing from standing too long. I slept pretty soundly last night despite an overactive kitty tear-assing around the apartment, and today all I've really had to contend with is a dull headache.

But here we are, trying to figure out what went wrong, and what I'll do next. I'm pretty sure my own overambitious culinary prowess is to blame. I made Pasta with Vodka Sauce a few nights ago, and had the leftovers for lunch on Thursday around 12:30. I was really hungry and nibbled on a few pieces of the cold pasta before I got to the microwave. I shouldn't have, but I did. There was a slightly off flavor. Metallic, kinda... But once I had the pasta screaming hot, that "off" flavor was gone and I thought nothing of it. Well, I sure-as-hell was thinking about it Friday morning at 2:35 when so many bad things were coming out of so many open holes.

Yeah, did I mention it was bad?

Thankfully I'm on the mend, and I'm even stable enough to make dinner myself. And what does everyone get when they're sick? Chicken soup baby. Glorious chicken soup...

I have, since my last chicken soup post, evolved the recipe a bit to expand the flavor a tad. Nonetheless, comfort food is comfort food, and sometimes that's just what bitter low-rent chef needs.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This one's on FIRE...

With the Fall weather quickly going from warm to cool to WTF?! IT'S FREEZING OUT!, It's become obvious that it's time for more baked goods and lots of hot cocoa.

This past week I managed to pull together an exceptional batch of biscotti. Not just homemade biscotti, but the kind you want when you go out to some high end rug-joint. The kind that just comes with a cup of coffee because it is so damned good.

What I've found, is that making biscotti is actually pretty easy. All you need is a little time and a steady hand for slicing, and what could possibly be the best biscotti are well within your reach.

And Sunday was, without a doubt, the best possible day for Hot Cocoa and Biscotti. Not just any Cocoa either... Salted Caramel & Dark Chocolate Cocoa.

3 oz Butter
4 3/4 oz. Sugar
1/4 t Salt
1 t Vanilla
1 1/2 t Baking Powder
2 Large Eggs
2 Cups Flour

Preheat oven to 350F.
Beat Butter, Sugar, Salt, Vanilla, and Baking Powder until mixture is smooth and creamy.
Beat in Eggs, then add Flour. Work until a sticky dough comes together.
Turn Dough out onto a greased cookie sheet and form into a log, as wide as you like, but only 3/4" thick.
Bake for 25 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool for 20 minutes.
Reduce oven to 325F.
Use serrated knife to cut log into 1/2" slices.
Place slices, standing up, back on cookie sheet.
Return to oven and bake for 30 minutes.

Note: When you remove the biscotti from the oven the second time, they may feel a little soft. Do not worry, they will continue to dry out after they are placed on a rack to cool.

Other Note: If you want to add sweets like chocolate chips, do so after the dough has come together. Also, don't get crazy adding stuff. Use a little moderation and these will turn out exponentially better.


So yeah, Sunday was a perfect chilly day to enjoy some winter treats. There were some snow flurries early on in the day, and a nipping wind that made it feel so good to settle down to a cup of hot chocolate and a freshly baked Italian cookie. Oh, and the Clubhouse for our Apartment complex burned down. Did I not mention that? My bad.

And here we have the money shot:

Never a dull moment for this simple baker, no siree...

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Evil Shenanigans...

Kerrie and I found a new place to get coffee today. While my Cafe au Lait was amazing, the whole experience was a bit of a letdown...

The Daily Grind is, without a doubt, one of the best places to get coffee - evar. I had, as I said, a Cafe au Lait and a Glazed Donut. The donut reminded me of the ones Grounds for Thought used to have - which were the best in Bowling Green! The Au Lait, however, was the best I've ever had. The coffee was hot, the foam was thick, and the coffee actually tasted good. I haven't enjoyed a cup of coffee that much in a loooong time. Kerrie had a Chai and a Cherry Danish. She seemed pleased, so the question remains, what was the letdown?

This place is tiny inside. They only have two small tables in a very cramped space, presumably for people to wait for their order - not for dining in. I was looking for more time to lounge around, but Kerrie and I just ate our pastries and left.

The bulk of their business is drive-through I suspect. And there is nothing wrong with that, I was just a little unprepared for the "no-room" aspect of breakfast. I'll go back too. I'll make that very clear right now. I enjoyed the coffee and pastries enough to look past the fact that it would be more comfy to eat in the car. I hope this place is doing well and holds on. It's definitely a good place for some Saturday morning caffeine. Plus, this place is in the same plaza:

If that doesn't make any sense to you, then you've never seen Super Troopers. Here...

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Sexual Nightmares and Sleep Crimes...

It seems like forever ago now, but there used to be a time when I would inevitably wind up at Myles Pizza with a variety of Bowling Green's seedier characters after closing at Cosmo's.

There was always something insanely cool about Myles. No windows, old high-back booths, pinball machines, and the heaviest gutbusting pizza on the planet. Personally, I would never try to make pizza the way Myles did/does, but it was something I would crave after a long boring night of ambient downtempo music and cup after cup of Sumatra.

It was always basically the same routine too. I would get a scotch (usually Dewars) and split a Pepperoni pizza with any of the other part-time sociopaths, serial killers in training, or robot makers that would tag along. Some nights the group was bigger than others, and some nights it would just be two or three of us. Either way, this was one of my more comforting routines from back in the day...

Now, as time has passed, there are no more 12:30 Pizza runs. Life has taken on a new shape, and I'm proud to say I make my own pizza from scratch. Frequently I might add... I've spent a lot of time trying to create both the perfect thick and hand tossed pizza crusts, and recently all my hard work finally paid off.

Tonight was Scotch and Pizza night. After a generally good recommendation from the Commodore, I purchased a bottle of The Famous Grouse scotch whiskey and proceeded to create an excellent Meat pizza on a hand tossed crust.

My pizza dough is a merciless quest in excellence. I don't need perfection, I need my dough to be excellent. And the hand tossed dough I made? Fucking excellent.

I chose some good toppings too. You can't go wrong with Pepperoni, but when you add a nice hard salami, some prosciutto, and a little sweet Italian sausage, you're coming close to nirvana.

Hand Tossed Pizza Crust
6 oz. Water
1 T Olive Oil
2 C Flour
1 t Salt
1/2 t Sugar
1/2 t Yeast

Combine all ingredients into pan of breadmaker, set to Dough and allow to run.
Turn dough out onto floured surface, punch down, and stretch to desired size. (12" to 14" is optimal but can be stretched further for a thinner crust.)

I use a breadmaker for this because of the extremely important, but often overlooked, steps involving kneading and proofing. It's gotta be done, and this is a crazy-easy way to knock out a great pizza dough fairly quick.

Gary U.S. Bonds - New Orleans
Prodigy - Smack my bitch up
Breeders - Cannonball
Daft Punk - Digital Love
KMFDM - Naive
Revolting Cocks - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Sunday, November 02, 2008

When there is no more room in Hell...

Halloween came and went, with very little fanfare. Kerrie and I were going to be Fry & Leela, but her Gall Bladder surgery made quick work of that.

For Halloween, instead, Kerrie and I played it a little more low-key. I baked some amazing Sour Cream Sugar Cookies, and Kerrie and I went to Bonefish Grill for dinner.

Bonefish, for being a chain, was a bit of a revelation for Kerrie and I. Neither of us are big fans of seafood, but neither of us have had the quality of seafood we had Friday night. To put it another way, We were impressed...

We started with Drinks. I had a Pino Grigio, while Kerrie had a Lemongrass Martini. We started the meal with a plate of Fried Calamari. I love Calamari, and this was damned close to the way I make it. For our entree, Kerrie and I shared a Pairings Plate made up of four separate seafood recipes. First, there was Shrimp and Scallops in a Pan Asian sauce. The second was Salmon with a Lemon Butter, followed by Chilean Sea Bass with a Warm Mango Salsa. The last, and my favorite, was a Grouper with Chimichurri. We finished off the meal with two desserts, Creme Brulee and a Macadamia Nut Brownie with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream and a Raspberry Puree.

I was slightly disappointed, only because the lighting was too dim for my phone to get any good pictures. The meal, however, completely wowed me. For once I was really into the flavors brought forth by different types of seafood. Salmon, for example, has generally disgusted me in the past. This however, grilled over a wood fire, actually inspired me a little.

To finish off the weekend, Kerrie and I rented some fun horror movies and we'll just lounge around nibbling on whats left of the cookies.

Sour Cream Sugar Cookies
1 Cup Butter
1 Cup Sugar
1 Egg
8 oz. Sour Cream
1 1/2 t Vanilla
4 Cups Flour
1 1/2 t Baking Powder
1/4 t Kosher Salt

In a medium size bowl, mix together Flour, Baking Powder, and Salt. Set aside.
In a large bowl, cream sugar and softened butter together.
Beat in egg, sour cream, and vanilla.
Gradually add flour mixture to sour cream mixture and mix well.
Chill dough for at least 1 hour or until firm enough to handle.
Roll dough to 1/4" thickness, and cut into desired shapes.
Bake at 350F for 10 minutes. Allow to set for 1 minute, then remove to wire rack to cool completely.

My Top 5 Halloween Movies:
(In no general order)
1.) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
2.) Dawn of the Dead (2004)
3.) Pet Semetary
4.) Young Frankenstein
5.) American Psycho
Honorable Mention (Post-Apocalyptic Fun)
1.) The Running Man
2.) Escape from New York

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I walk the line...

Okay, so Kerrie is finally on the mend and life can go back to normal. Kinda.

On Saturday, Kerrie, her parents, and I went into downtown Cincinasty to see the sights. After a few pictures at Fountain Square, we went to Tower Place Mall -which was pretty dead.

On Sunday, after going to church, I began thinking of my last cookie-related entry. I realized I wasn't as satisfied as I had originally thought. The major flaw with the last batch of cookies was that they dried out far to fast. I recalled that this was the same problem I had run into with the Urban Legend cookies. The one constant that stuck out in my rattled head was the ground oatmeal, and without serious scientific speculation I pegged that as the culprit.

So I looked around a little more. I checked out some of the more credible sources for recipes. After a few hours of reading and cobbling ideas together, I came to settle on what may very well be what I want in a "perfect" cookie.

As I said before, I don't like crispy and I don't like greasy. I like a chewy cookie. Soft, but not crumbly. This cookie, when kept in a ziplock bag, held up VERY nice over the course of the last three days. In addition to holding up nicely, this is a fuck-off easy recipe to knock out. Prep work AND time is light, making this a good recipe for the spontaneous among us. Can you dig it?

Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 Sticks Butter (1/2 Cup)
2 1/4 Cups All Purpose Flour
1 t Kosher Salt
1 t Baking Powder
1/4 Cup Sugar
1 1/4 Cups Brown Sugar
1 Egg
1 Egg Yolk
2 T Milk
1 1/2 t Vanilla
1 Cup Chocolate Chips
1 Cup Second Item of Choice (Walnuts, Peanuts, More Chocolate Chips, ect.)

Preheat over to 350F.
Melt Butter in microwave or over low heat on stove.
In a bowl, sift flour, salt and baking powder. Set Aside.
In a large bowl, cream butter and two sugars together. Add Egg, Egg Yolk, Milk and Vanilla until combined.
Gradually add flour mixture until well combined.
Stir in chocolate chips and secondary item.
Use small ice cream scoop to portion small cookies. Bake for 14 minutes.


For the secondary item, I used mini peanut butter cups. The beauty of this recipe is that just about anything complimentary to chocolate chips will work. Yes, I think this may very well be the cookie I've been looking for.

Friday, October 17, 2008


Today, Kerrie had her gallbladder removed. After months of pain, random worrying, and a doctor who recomended "managing" the problem, this is what they pulled out of my sweet little Kerrie:

I know, right? For those of you who did not immediately glance up towards the ruler, take a second look. That little sucker was over an inch long... It looks like a friggen Avocado pit! (Bonus points for those of you who immediately thought: Kerrie isn't spelled with three R's...)

I guess the real question is, to be blunt, Is this the consequence of good eating? Diets high in fat and cholesterol seem to be the top factor in all of this, so what now? Well, one source recommended what amounts to a Vegan diet. Yeah, go DIAF... Vegetarian, a step up from being vegan by eating eggs and dairy? Uh huh, why don't you EABODs. Essentially, I'm being tasked with feeding both Kerrie and I good food, without using all the "good" thing I know and love. "Beyond" brand butter flavored oil? Sadly, I shouldn't be using that anyways. And now I know I have to stop. Deep fried accompaniments to each meal? Not so much... Once in a while, and in moderation, sure... But not every night.

A lot needs to change, and I'm sure I'll figure it out. But I'll be damned if I'm going to turn Kerrie and I into weak little rabbits doing it. If I let that happen, the terrorists win.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I'm waiting for the gift of Sound and Vision...

What's the best chocolate chip cookie you've ever had?

For me, I really don't know. Cookies in any form reached perfection with my mom's Cereal Cookies. It's a scientific fact...

But a chocolate chip cookie... The most basic, universally revered of all cookies - What's the best one I've ever had? I can't honestly say.

See, I recently realized I haven't had a great earth-shaking Chocolate Chip Cookie. Bakemark makes a pretty good product, but they dry out way too fast after baking. English Bay has a reasonably consistent cookie dough, but they use dark chocolate and they are nauseatingly greasy.

So what goes into making a good chocolate chip cookie then? Well, I like mine to be chewy -not soft- with a clean feel to them. I shouldn't have to scrub the grease from my fingers in between each bite. I also don't want to bust my jaw trying to bite through a piece of plaster board. Also, I really don't like walnuts. BUT... I don't mind peanuts or macadamia nuts. Plus, if the nuts are salted - all the better.

This past week I spent a reasonable amount of time trying to find a good recipe for the elusive "perfect" chocolate chip cookie. I found one, slightly reminiscent of the Urban Legend Cookie, that had a few extra steps and needed a little extra attention.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

3 Cups Flour
1 1/2 t Baking Powder
1 1/2 t Baking Soda
3/4 t Kosher Salt
1 1/2 Cup Oats
1 3.5oz Milk Chocolate Bar

1 1/2 Cups Softened Butter
1 1/2 Cups Sugar
1 1/2 Cups Brown Sugar
3 Eggs
1 1/2 t Vanilla

2 Cups Mini Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
1 Cup Chopped Salted Peanuts

Preheat Oven to 350F.

Begin by mixing Flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together in a large bowl.
Next, place oats in a food processor and grind into a fine powder. Add to Flour mix.
Using a microplane or box grater, finely grate milk chocolate bar into flour/oat mixture. Set Aside.

In a Large Bowl, mix Butter, and Sugars together using a hand mixer.
Add Eggs, one at a time until thoroughly combined. Add Vanilla.

Add Flour Mixture to Egg Mixture, and stir until dough comes together.
Add Chocolate Chips and Peanuts and mix into dough.

Portion cookies on to sheet tray and Bake for 17 minutes.
(They may be soft when you pull them from the oven, but they WILL set up.)

Note: I used a 2oz ice cream scoop to portion the dough onto the sheet trays.

In the end, I got 52 two-ounce cookies out of this recipe. Were they the perfect chocolate chip cookie? No... But there was something oddly gratifying out making my own and they were damned yummy. Kerrie and I sat around with our glasses of milk, nibbling away contentedly enjoying the abundant pile of cookies which, while not perfect, were very satisfying.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Hello, Dad? I'm in jail...

I found this on a case of celery at work. I wonder if I should throw it out...

Hmmm... For those a little lost, google Steve-O and try not to hate me for what you see.

Was not Was - Dad, I'm in jail
David Bowie - Sound & Vision
Andrew WK - We Want Fun
Iggy Pop - Success

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Once in a lifetime...

There has been a lot to celebrate over the past few weeks. On Saturday the 20'th of September, My cousin gave birth to her daughter Charlotte. The next day, Sunday the 21'st, we surprised my mom with a cookout at my brothers house for her birthday. On Thursday of this past week, Kerrie and I celebrated 4 years together. Yesterday started the 1-year countdown to the wedding.

Yup, in 364 days Kerrie and I will be married and all of you will be judged on how good of a gift you get us. Stop laughing, I'm not being funny.

Okay, yes I am.

To celebrate our anniversary, which fell on a week night, I made a fairly elaborate dessert of Vanilla Panna Cotta. I prepared a Chocolate biscuit, raspberry sauce, and even a little bubble sugar for flair.


Mom and Gramma

Kerrie and I

"It's a celebration bitches!"
- Rick James

Talking Heads - Once in a lifetime
Bar Kays - Too Hot To Stop
Fatboy Slim - Yamama
MC Chris - Fett's Vett
Bobby Bland - Turn on your love light

Saturday, September 27, 2008

So whatchawhatchawhatcha want?

I've come to realize that I'm not all that into haute cuisine. I've always found myself most fascinated with the food and cooking principles of Diners, Bistros and Taverns. Gastropubs are a current interest to me, as are tapas bars.

Simply put, I love the classics. I loved working at the Corner Grill for no reason other than the Down-to-Earth, Everyman type of food served there. It was always something simple, from scratch, utterly devoid of all pretension... and sometimes a little bit stabby.

So in the end, I've found myself making less fancy stuff and more durable stuff. The kind of easy grilling or slow braising that many generations before mine relied on. And, to be honest, what's more classic than Meat Loaf?

I know, I know. Meat Loaf is just... Meat. In loaf form. But, stay with me here, what about a good meat loaf? No, wait... A GREAT meat loaf. One that's dressed up with all the right compliments? How about a Meat Loaf with Frizzled Onions and an Irish Stout BBQ sauce on a slab of Foccacia Bread?

To be honest, I skanked this idea from The Claddagh Irish Pub. Kerrie and I have really found a love for this place, even though it's a little too expensive for frequent visits. They serve a meat loaf sammich with a Guinness BBQ sauce. Being that I'm me, I realized I could quite easily emulate this dish with only one failing - Those damn Irish pub "chips". Theirs are pretty awesome, and mine were shit. But the main focus of the meal, the meat loaf, was incredible. For all intents and purposes, any meat loaf recipe will do as long as it's not some jazzed up version that will conflict with the BBQ sauce. The Irish Stout BBQ sauce is where the bulk of the work is, and it's totally worth it.

Irish Stout BBQ Sauce
4 oz. Sliced Bacon
1 small Onion, coarsely chopped
2 Garlic Cloves, smashed then chopped
1/2 T Cracked Black Pepper
1 T Worcestershire Sauce
1 12 oz. can or bottle of Irish Stout
1 C Ketchup
1 Dash Hot Pepper Sauce
Juice from 1 Lemon, roughly 2 oz.
1 t Kosher Salt

In a sauce pan set over medium heat, cook bacon until crisp.
Add onion and garlic and saute until translucent.
Add cracked black pepper and deglaze pan with Stout and Worcestershire sauce.
Reduce until slightly thickened, then add Ketchup and reduce heat to Low.
Cook for 15 minutes, then season with Hot Pepper Sauce, Lemon Juice and Salt.
Strain sauce into a bowl, reserving the solids if needed.

The solids can be placed on top of the meat loaf with some of the sauce before it is placed in the oven for baking.


Sammich Assembly

On a tray lined with foil, place one slice of Foccacia. Top with two thin slices of meat loaf, one slice of Swiss cheese, and some BBQ sauce. Place in a 350F oven until the cheese is melted.
Meanwhile, slice an onion thinly and dredge in season flour. Fry in oil at 375F until crisp, drain on paper towels and reserve.
When the cheese on the meat loaf is melted, remove from the oven and top with a generous pile of frizzled onions.


This is really one of my new favorite meals ever. Not quite a death row meal yet, but when I figure out those Pub Chips it'll be in my Top-5...

Beastie Boys - So Whatcha Want?
David Shire - The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
Parliament - We Want The Funk
Bobby Darin covered by Danny Aiello - Chubby Clementine