Saturday, October 28, 2006

Only Ones, Lonely Ones, Ripped up like Shredded Wheat...

This morning I had to do a catering order for some people at the University.

It always gets to me how creepy that place can be when it's deserted. At first, I got this eerie "Last Man On Earth" vibe.


I was in the Main Kitchen, locked away from anyone or anything that might be lurking around - or so I thought. Imagine my surprise when I heard some rustling around in the back of our deli. And for all the horror movies I've ever watched, I did the stupid thing of going over to investigate. Sure, it was just a maintenance guy collecting the trash but if it were a mutant vampire or, say, a ZOMBIE - I'd be fucked.

Annnnd I'm fucked!

But let's face it. I realized I was being paranoid, and got my act together. I made my special hot Cocoa (Three gallons of it) and filled up the coffee pots. I loaded up the cart and headed over across campus.

The room the catering event was being held in was literally THE furthest point possible from the Main Kitchen. After a lengthy jaunt across campus I was finally on the floor I needed to be on. And here is where it gets good...

While on the elevator, I was thinking about how Kerrie has graciously rented both Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead on DVD for me. Two excellent movies, but movies that tend to leave a unsettling feeling about the "what-if" factors of life. Still half-asleep and thinking of Zombies and Mutant Vampires, the doors of the elevator opened and I pushed my pastry filled cart out into the hallway. A hallway with one lone soul, dragging his right leg and limping. Yup - just like every stereotypical George Romero zombie ever created. What can I say? I froze and thought: You gotta be fricken KIDDING me!

This lone soul, incidentally, is a professor as the University. And as I started moving down the hallway, he smiled politely and said "goodmorning" to me. I stepped away from my cart and held a door to a classroom for him as he gimped around, but my initial thoughts were to "Just shoot them in the head! They seem to go down permanently if you shoot them in the head."

After I was done setting up, more and more people began showing up. Slowly wandering around, mostly lost and disoriented. It was seriously disturbing...

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my zombified morning.

Look! Here comes one of them now!

Misfits - Night of the Living Dead
Jay-Z vs Beatles - 99 Problems (Dangermouse Mix)
Lenny Kravitz - Always on the Run
White Zombie - I'm Your Boogieman

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