Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Die Monster Die! Why Won't You Die?!

Last night was a good foodbaddie night.

I made a very nice dinner of Center Cut Pork Chops au Poivre, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, and Buttered Asparagus; and finished it off with a 2-Buck-Chuck Sauvignon Blanc. For dessert I made one of my favorite, and fairly easy, sweets: Chocolate Peanut Butter Brownies.

Last night was a veg-out kind of night. The premieres of both Arrested Development and Kitchen Confidential were on last night, so Kerrie and I were parked on the couch for a good long while.

That said, I LOVED Kitchen Confidential. The show is very funny in many dark ways. From the backbiting to the pirating of employees to the inevitable slicing of human flesh, this was a very amusing half-hour for me.

Unfortunately, though, Kerrie got a bit squeamish when the Sous Chef, Steven, gets his fingertip cut off and blood goes everywhere. It was painful to have her ask that one special question: Does that really happen in restaurants???

How do you answer that question and not ruin dining out for someone for the rest of their lives? Anthony Bourdain, in his book "Kitchen Confidential", has this to say: I'm not evening going to TALK about blood. Let's just say that we cut ourselves a lot in the kitchen and leave it at that.

There is so much about the restaurant industry that people don't get. That "customer is always right" shit doesn't really fly anywhere in the world except here in North America. What's worse is that the average ass-hat diner believes that they are right. Unless there is something so spectacularly wrong with your meal or the service that it's apparent to EVERYBODY around (including the staff) don't get smart about it. Say it with the tip, but try you're best not to enrage the chain of people who stand between you and your food. Just don't. You may be King Shit in whatever little self-absorbing circles you roam through, but once you enter the cooks domain you are a mere peasant. All that matters to us is what we create and taking your money for doing it. The romantic notion of loving to serve the customer is steaming BS. THE OWNER loves serving you, but then again - refer to my previous statement about money.

Just remember, we the people work behind closed doors. We love doing what we do, but we don't love you. We love the food we create and the money you give us. Try not to make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Losers...

Chocolate Peanut Butter Brownies
(This recipe is divided into three easy parts and can be assembled and baked in an hour or less...)
2/3 Cup Flour
1/2 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/4 teaspoon Salt
2 Eggs
1 Cup Sugar
1 teaspoon Vanilla

1/3 Cup Butter
2 Squares (1 oz. each) Unsweetened Chocolate

1/3 Cup Peanut Butter
2 Tablespoons Butter
2 Tablespoons Sugar
1 Tablespoon Flour
1 Egg

Start by combining the Flour, Baking Powder, and Salt in a small bowl. Next, beat Eggs, Sugar and Vanilla together till smooth and pale. Gradually add in Flour mixture and set aside.

Melt Butter and chocolate in a small saucepan, stir continually so as not to burn the mix. Slowly add the Choco\Butter mix to the Flour\Egg mix. (This part works best with an electric mixer.) Once mixed, pour into a prepared 8" Square Pan.

Beat all the ingredients for the topping together until smooth, then drop by the spoonfull into the chocolate batter. Run a knife through the batters to create a marbled effect.

Bake @ 350F for 25 to 30 Minutes.

"It's like where 'Food' and 'Money' come to have sex!"
- Owain Yeoman, from Kitchen Confidential
"I'm dependent on my labor, for the texture and the flavor..."
- The Posies (Song of the Baker)

The Misfits - Die Monster Die!
The Posies - Song of the Baker
Boney M - No woman, No Cry
Tom Tom Club - Genius of Love


Kerrie said...

I wasn't squeamish...uh...concerned.
Yeah. Concerned.

Jeb Zepplin said...

Kerrie -

You should watch that scene over and over again. This way when it happens in your own kitchen (and it will) you won't pass out. Not as quickly anyways.

Lauren said...

oh jay. you continue to delight me with your amusing and oh so witty blogs...did you hear that cohen and cooke now owns cosmo's? i had QUITE the interesting conversation about that....love reading about the food....keep it up you food baddie!

BGslum said...

Yes, I did hear that. Apparently Jeb, Baxter and I are some sort of urban legend to those people. Weird... Tell me about your interesting converstion. Tell me! Tell me! :)